MY SISTER, GRACE, AND ME
Because I am 10 years younger than
Grace there are a lot of things about which I have no details. So,
this story is a story from my perspective. A lot of it is stories
about me with interactions with Grace and why I did things the way I
did. I never knew why Grace did the things she did. Grace truly
played a big part in my attitude and my abilities. She didn't
realize what she did was helping (in a good way) to shape my life and
my accomplishments. She caused me pain and self-doubt which
ultimately was good for me.
My sister, Grace, had a bad attitude.
She was always critical of me. At every opportunity she would tell
me how ugly I was, how dumb I was and how I would never be able to do
anything as well as she did. Grace was the best thing that ever
happened to me. It took me many years to understand and acknowledge
that and these stories are to tell you why.
I was born April 6, 1933. Grace had
her 10th birthday on June 27, 1933. My memories of Grace
are quite vague until I was about five and really not very much
better before I was six. Although I do have a couple of memories of
Grace and Ora when I was two and three. By the time I was six I
realized Grace did not like me. I loved her and thought she was
beautiful but she did not like me. She was always good to George and
made a big fuss over him. I was happy she did because George needed
all the love and help he could get, but I wondered why she didn't
love me, too. She was mean and sarcastic to me most of the time.
Frequently, Mom asked Grace to put curlers in my hair on Saturday
night so I'd have curls for church on Sunday. She was good about
putting curlers in my hair but all the while she was putting the
curlers in she was telling me what awful hair I had and how she had
“really great hair” and it was too bad I didn't get good hair.
(Sometime about the time I had my 14th birthday my hair
developed a natural curl. I've never had to have a perm. I like
the hair God gave me. I get it cut once per month because it grows
so quickly but---no perms.) Now isn't that silly?
One day when I was in first grade, my
teacher, Miss Peterson, asked me to stay after school to help her
clean the blackboards. I was thrilled to be asked and I stayed. I
was about 20 minutes late getting home. My mother asked me why I
was late. I thought she would be proud of me but she wasn't. She
was angry and told me never to do that again. Then, she took a yard
stick and paddled my behind. It hurt and I cried. She told me to
stop crying but I couldn't so she swatted me across the mouth with
the yardstick. That hurt a lot, too. Grace was sitting in the
kitchen and saw all of this and when Mom hit me across the mouth
Grace winced. That was the first time I had seen even the tiniest
bit of empathy for me. Obviously it made an impression on me
because I've never forgotten it. Many times I have wondered why my
mother thought hitting me across my mouth would make me stop crying.
We had no kindergarten. I started
First Grade when I was six and I did well in school but nevertheless,
Grace continually told me how stupid I was; how I would never be as
smart as she; how I would never amount to anything. Actually, I was
the best reader in my first grade class. I was also the best speller
and I was very good at arithmetic. Our class had four reading
groups: The first one had five kids and we were the best readers.
The fourth one was the slowest readers and the other two were
somewhere in between. Miss Petersen frequently had me sit with the
two slowest groups and help them. I also helped kids with spelling.
I adored Grace and I thought I was
stupid and ugly because Grace said I was. At Christmas time that
year the school Principal and my teacher wanted to promote me into
Second Grade but my mom wouldn't let them. Mom didn't want my
brother, George, to have to compete with me because he was 2-1/2
years older than I but just one year ahead of me in school, so I
stayed in First Grade and stayed at the top of my class. I was happy
to stay because that's where the kids with whom I went to Sunday
School and Primary were. I was shy and didn't really want to be with
the older class anyway.
Grace always had jobs. She was a hard
worker and people liked to have her clean their houses, do laundry,
cook and take care of the kids. (That was pretty much the only jobs
for girls in Blanding.) She was not very patient with the children
she tended. She would tell us things that happened at various homes
and what she did about it. It was never particularly pleasant.
However, in spite of her temper and sometimes nasty attitude people
hired her because she worked quickly and she worked hard. I can't
tell you the names of the people who hired her (except one) but she
always had work. The one lady who hired her was Vivian Redd. When I
was 13 Vivian hired me to help her clean, do laundry, iron and tend
her kids. I think it was because she was so pleased with the job
Grace did she thought I probably had the same work ethic. I did. I
worked for Vivian about four years. Grace had set a good example and
it paid off for me.
Grace was never soft-spoken at school.
If someone, particularly any of the boys, did something that
irritated her she would come home and tell us: “I really gave so
and so a piece of my mind today.” I remember those words so
clearly. It didn't happen now and again, it happened frequently and
it was always one of the boys at school to whom she gave “a piece
of her mind”. (In my memory, a young man by the name of Dick Young
was frequently the object of her irritation.) However, Grace did
have quite a few girl friends. They were quite close and kept in
touch many years after they graduated. Most of the girls in her
class were 5'5” to 5'7 “ tall. When she grew to 5'10-1/2”, she
began 'slumping' trying to make herself look shorter. She slumped so
much that, eventually, she couldn't straighten her shoulders. I have
always thought that was sad.
I was pretty mild mannered (actually, I
was extremely shy) in elementary school but when I entered seventh
grade, I started acting like Grace because that's how I thought
people were supposed to act. I would get angry and “tell people
off”. However, I learned very quickly: people do not like that
sort of thing. When the realization came to me, I stopped acting
that way. From then on I had plenty of good friends, both male and
female. It was a good life's lesson for me to learn.
Grace was a good student. She bragged
about her good grades and that's okay. I do not remember Grace ever
having any dates with the local boys. which isn't too hard to figure
inasmuch as she was constantly “giving the boys 'a piece of her
mind'.”
During the depression, President
Roosevelt had put some programs into action to try to get the country
back on its feet. One of those programs was called “Civilian
Conservation Corps” or CCC's. The program was to provide jobs for
young men who had no work (and there were a lot of them). These
young men were between the age of 18 and 25. Part of their
assignment was to build roads in areas where they were needed or
improve roads that were already there, plus improvements in Parks and
Scenic Areas. In addition to that, during a six month period, they
cleared over 300 acres of “burrs” which, if you don't know, is a
very noxious weed. We had some gravel roads in Blanding but most of
the roads in the mountains or other areas were terrible or
non-existent. There was plenty of work for those young men to do.
Most of the young men who came to our area were from New York and New
Jersey. On the north side of town there were some barracks where the
young men stayed. I don't know whether the barracks were already
there or whether they were built especially to house the young men
who came. Most of them smoked and of course, they were not LDS so
even though Blanding was happy for the help they certainly did not
want those young men intermingling with their daughters.
There were daughters of dating age who
didn't have boyfriends and were happy to have the opportunity to
date. Both of my sisters were in that group. Ora dated a guy named
Lee. (Why do I remember that? I was only three when Ora graduated
High School and went elsewhere to find a job.) Grace dated a guy
named Steve. (I have told the story of Ora getting a heart-shaped
box of chocolates on Valentine's Day and I thought it was about the
most wonderful thing I had ever seen. Why do I remember about Ora's
heart-shaped box of chocolates? I guess it is because I had never
seen anything like it in my short life and it really left an
impression on me. I told the story of the heart-shaped box of
chocolates in one of my blog posts if you are interested.)
I do not remember how long those young
men were in San Juan County. All of these guys were darker
skinned—perhaps Italian descent. There were several other girls
who dated CCC boys. I can think of four, specifically, who ended up
marrying the guys they dated. Eventually, at least two of those men
joined the Church, created their own businesses and stayed in
Blanding. Case in point: I remember one time when Jack and I were
in Blanding, (my parents had been able to put an addition on their
house and Daddy had built a new kitchen, added a bathroom, installed
a gas range and a hot water heater). Jack noticed the water heater
had no 'relief valve' on it and it really worried him. He talked to
my Dad and Daddy called a man. It was one of the CCC's boys who had
joined the Church and stayed in Blanding. He came to fix the water
heater and put a relief valve on the water heater. Jack planned to
pay him and tried to pay him but the man wouldn't take any money. He
told me: “I love your parents. They are good people. I would
like to do this for them.”
I think I was seven years old when my
parents were able to get a piano. It was a big upright and it was
beautiful. It was not new, of course. Our Dad could never have
afforded a new piano. Grace took piano lessons for a while. She
progressed to the point where I thought she played quite well. I
didn't begin lessons until I was 10 so Grace had graduated High
School and left home by the time I started lessons. After I began
taking piano lessons, Grace told me many times, “You will never be
able to play the piano as well as I do.”
When Grace was a senior in high school
she was the Editor of the school newspaper. The paper was published
once per month. The name of the school paper was, “The Rattler.”
She frequently bragged about that to me and always finished her
tirade with: “But you are not smart enough to be the Editor of the
school paper.” Also, it was a tradition at San Juan High School
for the Senior class to do a play. There was always a “school”
play and everyone from 9th to 12th grade could
try out for that. But, the “Senior” play was only for the senior
class. I do not remember the name of the play but Grace had the lead
in the play. I will probably never forget part of one lines she had
in the play. I do not remember her first name but her last name was
Smythe. Ms. Smythe was very snooty. One line she had was: “I am
so and so Smythe! S-M-Y-T-H-E.” The part of Ms. SMYTHE was
perfect for Grace---or---Grace was perfect for the part.
Grace graduated High School in May of
1941. I do not know how she learned about and acquired the job she
found but she went to work for a family in California. She lived
with them and cleaned house, cooked and took care of the children.
The Christmas when I was eight, she sent me a beautiful doll. It had
hair, its eyes opened and closed and it had a beautiful pink dress,
pink hat and pink coat with pink socks and white shoes. I had never
seen anything so marvelous. She sent George a wonderful, new sled.
I don't remember what she sent the rest of the family but it was a
memorable Christmas for all of us. In April she sent me a white
pinafore dress for my ninth birthday. It was so pretty. I had never
had anything like that before. I don't know how much she was paid
for her work but whatever she was paid, she was certainly generous
with George and with me. At that point I began to think perhaps she
didn't hate me any more. She sent me a two-piece outfit for my 10th
birthday. I had never had a two piece dress before. It was a red,
green, blue and white plaid. I loved it.
Before I go further I should back up a
little. I do not know how it came about, but our family delivered
newspapers. The newspaper was called “Grit” and it was published
in Williamsport, Pennsylvania. It was a weekly paper. I don't think
Ora delivered papers but I know Sherman did. When Sherman didn't
deliver them anymore, Grace and Durant did for a period of time, then
George and I delivered the papers for a time (several years). The
papers were sent to us via the Post Office. The newspapers normally
came on Saturday and that's the day we delivered them—Saturday
afternoon. Our family delivered those papers for a total of 12 to 15
years. It gave us a little money we otherwise wouldn't have had.
When George and I delivered the papers he took the north and west
side of town and I did the east and south side of town. We each
delivered about 50 papers per week. The people in town seemed to
enjoy the papers.
During WWII, the mail wasn't always on
time. Some weekends the papers didn't come until Sunday morning so
we delivered papers before Sunday School. The Postmaster and his
wife took turns taking care of the Post Office on Sundays during the
war. One week I was delivering papers on Sunday morning. I was
dressed for Sunday School because when I was through delivering the
papers I went directly to Sunday School. On that April Sunday
morning I was wearing the two piece dress Grace had given me. One of
our subscribers was a Mrs. Stevens. I was a very timid person and,
generally, I thought Mrs. Stevens looked quite forbidding. But on
that Sunday morning as she paid me for the paper, she said, “You
are certainly the pretty one in your family.” I was flabbergasted
and I said, “Oh, no. My sisters are so beautiful.” She
repeated, “No, you are the pretty one.” I was dumbfounded and
didn't know how to react. I took the money and left. I knew Sister
Stevens was wrong. After all, hadn't Grace told me time after time
how ugly I was? The next week the papers came on Sunday, again. I
delivered the paper to Sister Stevens and, again, she said, “You
are certainly the pretty one in your family.” Again, I tried to
point out to her that my sisters were more beautiful than I. And,
again, she said, “No, you are the pretty one.”
After I left her home I remember
thinking: If she thinks I'm pretty, maybe I'm not as ugly as Grace
says I am. The strangest part of this whole thing is: My mother
heard Grace tell me how ugly I was and never once told her to stop.
You see, my mother had the idea if people told me I was cute or
pretty that I would get a “big head”. She certainly didn't want
me to have a “big head”. Mom never once in all my life told me
I was cute or pretty or even “you look very nice”.
The summer I was 10 turned out to be
quite an unexpected adventure for me. Grace had moved back to Utah.
She was living in a “boarding house” in SLC and her job was at
the Small Arms Plant in the Ogden area. She commuted back and forth
by bus every day. My brother, George, needed some surgery on one of
his eyes. Frequently, one of his eyes would “cross.” It was a
result of the measles encephalitis he had when he was four years
old. My parents learned that his eye could be fixed and so
arrangements were made to have the surgery done at St. Mark's
Hospital in SLC. (In those days, St. Mark's was on the northwest
side of SLC.) Durant, George and I were the only kids at home and
inasmuch as both my parents would be in SLC with George, they didn't
think they could leave me at home. The owner of the boarding house
said I could come and stay with Grace. Durant was 15 and he was the
“lucky” one who got to stay home and take care of everything for
a couple of weeks. There were animals to feed, cows that had to be
milked twice a day, eggs to be gathered, gardens to be watered and
other chores. (Actually, Daddy was probably away only about 10
days.)
My Dad found a ride for me to go to
Salt Lake City. (There was a sawmill in Blanding and they shipped
lumber to SLC every week. My ride was in one of the trucks that
hauled lumber. The driver's name was Earl Wright, who was a super,
nice person. The name of the driver of the other truck was Owen
Black. (Every Tuesday they drove the trucks loaded with lumber to
SLC. In SLC they would unload their lumber and load up the trucks
with other goods to haul back to Blanding on Thursday.) I stayed
with Grace until Saturday, at which time she and boarded a bus and
went to Shelley, Idaho, to visit my sister, Ora, and her family.
Shelley is a small town about 10 miles south of Idaho Falls. Grace
left to go back to SLC on Sunday and left me there with Ora for two
weeks. (I had a great time. I will tell of some of my adventures in
Shelley later in my blog.)
Two weeks later, Ora and Stanley put me
on a train to go back to SLC. That was a real adventure. In the
meantime, my Dad, Mom and George had traveled to SLC for George's eye
surgery. By the time I got back to SLC the surgery was completed and
George was recovering. Back in those days, when a person had
surgery, he was kept in the Hospital for up to a week or longer, to
recuperate. My folks took me to the hospital to see him a couple of
times. The surgery was a success. I remained in SLC for a few days
and then my Dad and I got on one of the trucks traveling back to
Blanding. Mom stayed in SLC with George for another week and then
the two of them rode back to Blanding in a car with someone.
In those days, if a person in Blanding
who had a car was going to SLC (or anywhere) they usually spread the
word so if someone who did not have a vehicle needed a ride they
could get one. That's how small towns operated. Most people were
very generous with their vehicles.
I believe my Mom and Dad were able to
stay at the boarding house, also. Grace treated me very well while I
was with her. I do not recall any meanness.
During the first week I was in SLC, the
group Grace worked with at the Small Arms Plant had a party at Black
Rock Beach on The Great Salt Lake. Grace took me with her. She and
a boyfriend were sitting on the beach drinking beer. I went to play
in the water. I went out where it was a little deeper and somehow
lost my balance and fell and gulped a mouthful of that salty water.
I was spitting and sputtering and went to Grace. She handed me her
bottle of beer and said, “Take a mouth full of this to rinse the
salt water out of your mouth.” I took a mouthful and it was
absolutely the nastiest, foulest stuff I had ever tasted. I spit it
out and kept spitting to get the taste out of my mouth. The salt
water tasted a lot better than the beer. I don't know why they
didn't have any water with them. Grace and her boyfriend were
laughing at me. I told her how nasty it tasted. She said, “Well,
this beer is warm. When it is cold, it's really good.”
Whenever Grace had the opportunity to
come home for a visit, she did. She had two or three girl friends
from school who were still in Blanding and she liked to visit with
them.
I had started taking piano lessons in
the late summer when I was 10. Sister Lyman charged 25 cents per
lesson. My lessons were one hour long and I was expected to practice
one hour every day, including Sundays and especially on lesson day.
When I practiced (which I did, faithfully, every day, including
Sunday, and because I practiced faithfully, I progressed quite
rapidly) Grace would take the time to tell me that I would never be
able to play the piano as well as she. When my Dad made the
arrangements for me to take lessons, he told my teacher, Marge Lyman,
“the most important thing for Marilyn to do is learn the Hymns.”
I think Sister Lyman started me on my first Hymn in my second month
of lessons. The hymn was in 4/4 time with no sharps or flats. It
was a very simple hymn that is in the old “Deseret Sunday School
Song Book”. The song is not in the new song books we use now, not
even the Primary Song Book. The name of it is “Catch The
Sunshine.” I learned it very quickly. After all, I was very
familiar with the song. I had been singing it in Sunday School and
Primary for years. I loved playing the hymns and I was able to learn
one each week. Obviously, my teacher chose the easiest ones at first
but when I did well with them she gave me harder ones. After about
six months my Dad went to Sister Lyman and told her I would have to
stop taking piano lessons because he couldn't afford the 25 cents.
Sister Lyman said, “You cannot take my best student away from me.
She is to continue coming for lessons and I will not charge you
anything.” Daddy was not about to take 'charity' but he did want
me to take more lessons. He said, “okay”. Mom made several
pounds of butter every week. Our chickens laid eggs. We had a huge
orchard with fresh fruit in the late summer and we had apples and
pears in our cellar every winter, plus the veggies that were in
another cellar and Daddy planted a gigantic garden every year. Every
week my Dad took some of the things I have mentioned to Sister Lyman.
Depending on the season depended on whether she got fresh produce or
produce from our cellars. I'm quite certain she was paid better that
way than 25 cents per lesson.
I was only able to take lessons for 14
months. My teacher told me she had taught me everything she could
and I needed to go to someone else. Marge Lyman charged 25 cents per
lesson. The teacher Sister Lyman wanted me to continue my lessons
with charged $2.50 per lesson. My folks couldn't afford that much.
Sister Lyman said she would help me if I needed help with something I
wanted to play. I went back several times for a little help and
advice but I didn't get to have more lessons. However, I still
practiced. I tried new music and learned new pieces, plus continuing
to learn the hymns.
One time when Grace came home I was
working on “True To The Faith.” She told me I'd never be able to
play that one. She said, “It's too hard for you.” I knew if I
practiced, I could prove her wrong and I did prove her wrong.
When I was 12, my Dad was called to be
a Stake Missionary. His companion was Joe Hunt. The little town of
Bluff was about 27 miles south of Blanding. In the early days Bluff
was the settlement of the “Hole-in-the-Rock group but the Bluff
valley was not roomy enough for all of them to have the space they
needed for their livestock and farms so many of them went elsewhere
to settle where there was enough land to farm. A lot of them went up
on the White Mesa and their settlement there became Blanding. When
my Dad was called to be a Stake Missionary there were no Priesthood
holders in Bluff so the Stake Missionaries took turns going to Bluff
on Sunday mornings to conduct Sunday School and administer the
Sacrament. Brother Hunt had a car and he and Daddy drove to Bluff
every other Sunday. When Daddy came home after going to Bluff the
first time he told me they had a piano in Bluff but no one knew how
to play. He asked me if I would go with them every other Sunday and
play the piano for the singing. I was timid but I knew I could play
the hymns and I agreed to go. It was an exciting adventure for me
and Daddy was so proud. Brother Hunt kept telling me how well I did
and how he appreciated me. The members in Bluff were also very happy
to have the piano accompaniment. Brother Hunt played the violin
very well so hearing words of appreciation from him did a great deal
for my ego. The other pair of Stake Missionaries went on the Sundays
we didn't go.
When the people in my Ward learned I
was playing the hymns for the Bluff Branch they were surprised.
After my Dad didn't make trips to Bluff anymore, I was called to play
the music for the Junior Sunday School opening exercises. My cousin,
Aleene Black, who was six days older than I, was called to lead the
singing. It was good experience for both of us and built my
confidence.
I played a piano solo and played it
perfectly at my 6th grade graduation. After graduation I
was frequently asked to play a piano solo for one thing or another.
That kept me practicing and learning new pieces. When I went into
7th Grade, some of the kids asked me to accompany them on
the piano if they were going to sing or play an instrument for an
assembly at school.
In the summer of 1945 I was given
another opportunity to go to SLC and stay with Grace for a couple of
weeks. Germany had surrendered and Japan was well on its way to
surrendering. I was 12. Grace was working for Mendenhall Auto Parts
store and she no longer had to commute to Ogden. She had an
apartment somewhere around 430 South and 3rd East. Our cousin,
Delsa, also had an apartment in the same building, on the same floor.
As I recall, we were on the second floor. (Delsa was the daughter
of Uncle Ben and Aunt Jenny who lived across the street north of our
home. Uncle Ben was my Dad's oldest brother.) Grace and Delsa both
had to go to work everyday and I stayed by myself during the day. It
was summer and it was hot. No air conditioning in those days. The
best we had was a fan and we could open the windows to catch whatever
breeze there might be. One day after work Grace and I went to
Delsa's apartment. Delsa had invited us over to have some cold
lemonade. They each had an icebox so we had ice. They gave me a
glass of lemonade. They each had a glass of lemonade but their
lemonade was a slightly different color than mine. I asked what was
in their lemonade and they just laughed and said, “Nothing.” I
knew they had put something in their drink. Later, I noticed a
bottle on the counter. It was half hidden and I don't think they
thought I would notice. I went over to look at the bottle and it was
whiskey. I have no idea how often they added whiskey to their
lemonade. All I knew was that I wanted none of it. Delsa also had
several cans of beer in her icebox. Grace remembered telling me how
good beer is when it is cold and she opened a can of beer so I could
taste it. Cold beer is just as nasty as warm beer. I could hardly
get to the sink quickly enough to spit it out. I rinsed my mouth
really well to get rid of the foul taste.
I think I stayed with Grace about two
weeks early in July. Most of the time she was good to me but every
once in a while she would say something mean and hateful. She always
wanted me to know that she was smarter than I could ever be and I
would never be able to do anything as well as she.
Several times when it was getting close
to quitting time I would walk to Mendenhall's to meet her. There
used to be a couple of little Fruit and Vegetable stands on 3rd
South between Main and State Streets where they sold fresh vegetables
and fruit. I had earned some money before I went to SLC and I had
taken $10.00 with me. At one of the little “stands” they had
freshly picked red cherries. They were 10 cents per pound. I would
buy a pound and take it with me to the store and share with Grace and
a couple of the men (one of whom was Ray Ertmann) who also worked at
the counter. They always enjoyed the cherries. A couple of times
after work, we went to a movie.
Grace had been dating a man for a
while. As I recall, they dated at least a year. Perhaps longer. I
wish I could remember his first name but I do remember his last name.
It was Bell. He was divorced—or at least was in the process of a
divorce. Apparently Grace and he talked of marriage because they
mentioned some crazy names for daughters, to go with Bell. Most of
them were silly. I don't know when they broke up but after the
breakup Grace began to change her life.
Sometime during 1946 Grace wrote a
letter telling us she was thinking of a Mission. I know Mom and
Daddy were relieved. I believe she left for her mission from our
Ward in Blanding. She went to the Texas-Louisiana Mission. She left
for her Mission early in 1947 and I think she left in January. She
served in two towns in Eastern Texas which are very close to the
Louisiana border. I even remember the names of those two towns:
Kilgore and Orange, Texas. (Later, when Jack was in the Marine Corps
and we were traveling across the country, we drove through both of
those towns.
Sometime after she arrived in the
Mission Field, Grace began to have some heart problems. She saw a
doctor who prescribed a medicine called Digitalis. Apparently it was
a very heavy duty medicine and she was sent home because of “health
problems”. (I remember Grace talking about it and she wondered
whether she would be able to have children because of the medicine.)
I do not remember how many months she was in the Mission Field but
I'm thinking about five.
Our Dad was the custodian at the
Elementary School. School was out when Grace arrived home and the
school building needed to be cleaned. (I had been helping Daddy
clean the school starting at age 12. I was 14 when Grace came home
from her Mission.) She and I needed jobs so we were hired to help
clean the school. The School District paid us. People used to think
schools needed lots of windows—high windows. Cleaning those
windows was brutal. She did the inside and I climbed the tall
ladder and washed the outside; we scraped gum from under the desk
tops and seats and then washed the desks; we cleaned the girls'
restroom and polished woodwork. We took the books off the shelves in
the Library. We dusted the books and cleaned the shelves and put the
books back. (I think it was while I was washing the outside of the
windows at the school that I developed an almost debilitating fear
of heights.) We didn't have to clean the boys' restroom. Daddy
didn't think it was proper for girls to clean the boys' restroom.
In 1947 the State of Utah celebrated
the 100th anniversary of the Saints entering the Salt Lake
Valley. San Juan County was no exception. There was a lady (Reva
Redd) who organized a Womens' choir to sing at our County
celebration. Grace and I decided it would be fun to sing with the
group and Reva was happy to have us. Grace sang soprano. I sang
alto. I could have sung soprano but they desperately NEEDED altos.
(I had been singing alto in the Ward Choir for a couple of years.)
The Womens' choir sang a couple of numbers at the celebration. The
24th of July celebration was in Monticello. There were a
lot of things going on. There was entertainment, food, and
fireworks. Those were the first real fireworks I had ever seen. Oh,
Durant sometimes had some firecrackers and my folks had a few
sparklers on the Fourth of July but the fireworks at the celebration
in Monticello were a whole lot more spectacular than those to which I
was accustomed. The celebration in Monticello was the biggest
celebration I had ever attended. Grace and I rode to Monticello with
Durant and his friend, Iwan Black.
After the 24th celebration,
the choir still practiced because we were going to present a concert
for the locals in Blanding.. It was loads of fun. Grace and I had a
lot of fun together and I was feeling really good about our
relationship. Yes, she occasionally would make a verbal jab at me
(reminding me that it was up to her and Durant to uphold the honor of
the family because Durant had been Student Body President and she had
the lead in the Senior Play and was Editor of the School Paper and
adding that neither George nor I would ever be able to do anything)
but for the most part she was being nice. I finally thought perhaps
she liked me.
In spite of her “put-downs” I
remember having a good time washing windows with her. Also, as we
cleaned desks and windows, I remember having some fun moments and
laughing frequently. Grace could be entertaining at times.
While she was in Blanding, I happily
“showed off” by playing “True to the Faith” among other
numbers she had said I would never be able to play. Grace never once
congratulated me for having learned the pieces she had proclaimed as
“too hard”. In fact, she didn't even acknowledge I had played
them.
Health-wise, she seemed to be doing
okay.
We enjoyed going to the practices, and
the performances were outstanding. Reva was an excellent Director.
She was also a great teacher. She directed the choirs and chorus
groups at school. It was wonderful attending a school where a lot of
emphasis was placed on music. We had a magnificent band, as well,
although Reva didn't lead the band.
After the Womens' Choir performances,
Grace decided it was time to go back to Salt Lake City and get a job.
She went back to work for Mendenhall's. She was very good at what
she did and they liked her there.
I do not know how or where she met
Richard Jackson. I know nothing of their courtship. I don't think
they had known each other very long when they decided to get married.
As I recall, they were married in June, 1948, in the Salt Lake
Temple.
Richard Jackson was an amazing man.
His children can be very proud of him. I certainly was. Of course,
we were a little concerned because he was blind but it didn't take
more than a few minutes to recognize what an incredible person he
was. He had loads of personality. He was friendly. He was
extremely intelligent and he played the piano beautifully which was a
very good thing because his profession was tuning pianos. (He also
could repair pianos.)
I don't remember whether my parents
were able to go to Salt Lake City for the wedding but Grace and
Richard came to Blanding afterward and there was a celebration of
some kind. As I recall, they had a bridal shower for Grace. I
apologize for not remembering more of what happened at that time
because I was 15 and surely should have paid more attention.
There was a large house on 21st
South somewhere about 5th East. The front of it was a
piano store. It was not a large piano store-- maybe five or six
pianos. I don't know whether they were new or whether they were used
pianos. When one of the pianos sold the owners would bring another
piano in to take it's place. When new piano came in it needed to be
tuned and Richard was the tuner. I'm thinking they were used pianos
because, occasionally, the piano that just came into the store needed
some work on it plus, it needed to be tuned . Richard was hired to
be sure the pianos were always ready to sell. There was an apartment
behind the showroom and Richard and Grace lived in that apartment.
It was quite a nice place. I don't know whether they had to pay for
the apartment or whether living there was the payment for taking care
of the pianos. One bonus was that Grace could go in and play the
piano in the evenings if she wanted to.
Richard had five sisters. I knew three
of them. His sister, LaMone and her husband, had three children. I
believe the two older children were LaMone's husband's children. The
boy was eight and the girl was six. LaMone and her husband had a
baby together and the little boy was three when I knew them. LaMone
was a nurse. She worked Monday through Friday, and of course, her
husband had a job—Monday through Friday plus half a day on
Saturday. While they were at work Grace tended their children.
LaMone took the kids over to Grace's apartment to be tended.
Grace often commented that she got
pregnant on her wedding night because Rick was born the following
March 13th. (She also mentioned that Ora also became
pregnant on her wedding night. Ora was married in March and Errol
was born the following December.) The summer after Rick was born,
Richard and Grace made arrangements to take a month-long trip. Two
weeks would be spent in Blanding and the other two weeks would be
spent in Manassa, Colorado, where Richard's parents lived. Mom and
Dad found a lot of people who wanted their pianos tuned. Also,
Richard's parents did the same thing. It was a working vacation.
In order for Grace and Richard to be
gone an entire month LaMone needed someone to care for her children
while they were gone. Grace wrote me a letter and asked if I could
come up to Salt Lake City and tend LaMone's children for a month.
LaMone said I could stay at their home if I would take care of the
kids during the week. I was given Saturday and Sunday off if I
wanted to do things with friends. I would be paid $10.00 per week.
I thought that sounded like a small fortune.
You probably know some or perhaps, all,
of what I am about to tell you, but just in case------. Richard had
one brother and five sisters. His brother's name was Samuel. I
think I met him once. His sisters' names were: Sarah, LaMone, Elda,
Lois and Hannah. I don't think I ever met Sarah. She was probably
at Richard's funeral but I don't remember. I did meet Lois but did
not know her very well. I was quite well acquainted with Elda, and,
of course I knew LaMone. Now, the story gets interesting. Many
years later, after Jack and I were married and had children, we built
a home on Claybourne Avenue. We moved into that home in 1965. We
were in Garden Heights North Ward. Hannah Jackson Brady lived in
that Ward. She was an amazing woman. Everyone loved her. She loved
kids and she was so good with the kids. Those were the days when we
had Sunday School on Sunday morning. She was in charge of the Junior
Sunday School for years and years. The kids loved her. They would
do anything she asked them to do. (I don't remember what her exact
title was.) I think she would have stayed in that position forever
if she could have. I suspect you knew her and may possibly remember
her. Several times she mentioned visiting Eileen and Rick.
So, I went to Salt Lake. I had fun
with LaMone's kids and I really enjoyed them. Sometimes we would go
for a walk. Sometimes we just played games on the front lawn. I
read some stories to them. I did some light housekeeping: Dishes,
cleaned the bathroom, made beds, etc. I really liked the kids. I
was never very comfortable with LaMone but we got through it.
My cousin, Melvin Cox and I were good
friends. (He was one of Jesse Cox's younger brothers.) He was
dating a girl whose name was Shirley Sadler. She had an older
brother who was 19. (I can't remember his first name.) Melvin and
Shirley arranged for the brother and I to have a blind date. We
liked each other and had fun together so every week-end the four of
us did things together: Went to movies, had picnics, etc. I think
we went to Lagoon one week-end. It was a fun adventure for me to be
away from home for a month and I was paid to do it. Just an after
thought: After I went back to Blanding, Shirley's brother wrote to
me. I thought that was great because I quite liked him. I was
appalled at the spelling mistakes he made in the letter. He was 19
and I just could not imagine he couldn't spell better than that.
But, I liked him enough that I began to make excuses for him in my
mind---he was just goofing around or being silly, or whatever. I
wrote a letter back and he answered me. The second letter was just
as bad and then I realized he wasn't just goofing around. He simply
didn't know how to spell. I knew then that I could never live with a
person who could not spell. I never answered the second letter. I
don't know whatever happened to him. Melvin and Shirley married and
were together for quite a few years. Later, I heard that Melvin
died. I think he was in his early 60's.
Anyway, Grace and Richard came back
from their “vacation” and she started tending the kids again. I
stayed with them for a few days before returning to Blanding. That's
when I was able to see their apartment behind the piano store.
That fall I was a Junior in high
school. The Principal of the High School had asked me to be a
co-editor with Joan Palmer, a Senior, for the High School paper (The
Rattler). Of course, I accepted. (I had been a reporter since 7th
Grade.) As it turned out, Joan had an after school and week-end job
and rarely showed up to help with the paper so, I became the Editor
by default. Also, a student, Enid Redd, had graduated. She was a
fantastic piano player and was the accompanist for the School Choir.
Also she accompanied the musical productions and many of the people
who performed at assemblies. While I had done quite a bit of
accompanying to help out, it suddenly became my “job”. Also, I
was called to be the accompanist for our Ward MIA. And, after I
returned home from my month in Salt Lake City, I began to practice on
the new Organ at the Chapel in Blanding. I always practiced at least
one hour twice a week---and more when the next person didn't show up
for their turn. Also, I had my chores at home. The following year,
when I was a Senior, our Principal, Mr. Alexander, asked me to
continue as Editor of The Rattler. And, he asked if it would be
possible to publish it every two weeks instead of once a month, as
had been done all the years previously. I told him, “Of course.”
The following January, Grace became
pregnant with Eileen. And, somewhere in there Grace and Richard
bought a house. It was located at 764 East Wilson Avenue in Salt
Lake City. There were two bedrooms, a bathroom, living room and
kitchen with a basement which was unfinished. That's where the
washing machine was. This was in 1950.
I don't know whether Grace continued to
tend LaMone's children after she and Richard moved into their house.
Grace and Richard did make another trip to Blanding and Manassa to
tune pianos during the summer of 1950. It was fun being able to play
with Rick. He was such a beautiful child. The summer of 1950 was
very busy for me. I took care of a family of children (four of them)
while their mother went to the hospital to give birth to number five.
I helped out for a while after she came home. I worked for a
neighbor, Vivian Redd, on Tuesday afternoons and Saturday mornings.
I also had six piano students. I did lessons on Saturday afternoons
(plus, I took at least an hour to practice the organ at the Church).
(When I took piano lessons, my piano teacher did one hour lessons,
but all of my students were young---five, six and seven. A one-hour
lesson was too long for them. I just did 30 minute lessons.) I
continued this schedule during my Senior year of High School, plus
editing the school paper and I also had the lead in the school
musical. It was amazing that I had the lead in the musical. I was
the accompanist for the High School Chorus group. It was my plan to
accompany the musical. I played the piano for all of the tryouts.
Then, after all the tryouts were finished (I thought) the music
teacher, Harvey Mette, asked me to try out for a part. I told him I
had planned to play the piano. He said, “If you get a part, I will
get someone to accompany the musical.” One of the judges was an
amazing piano player and she said, “If you get a part, I will
accompany the musical.” I assumed I would be trying out for a bit
part, perhaps a contralto part, and that's what I said I would do.
Mr. Mette told me he wanted me to try out for the lead. You could
have knocked me over with a feather. Anyway, that's the part I tried
out for and that is the part I was chosen to do. No one was more
surprised than I. I shared that information with Grace but never
bragged. However, in my mind I realized that by being the Editor of
The Rattler for TWO years and by having the lead in the school
MUSICAL, I was, perhaps, continuing to “uphold the honor of the
family.”(Just a touch of sarcasm there.) Since that time, Grace
has never mentioned hers and Durant's place in the scheme of things.
Neither has she told me how great it is I had the opportunity to do
what I did. I have never felt the need to “rub things in”. I
knew in my heart I had done well and, finally, I did not “need”
her approval.
Around the time Eileen was born,
October 31, 1950, (a little before or a little after, I don't
remember) Richard began to have headaches, again. They were
horrible, debilitating headaches. He had headaches before he lost
his sight. And then, for some reason, after he lost his sight, the
headaches stopped. Doctor's didn't really know a lot about the brain
at that time but they were assuming Richard had a tumor on his brain.
They had no idea why the tumor stopped growing but apparently it did
and he was able to attend a School for the Blind in Ogden, Utah,
where he learned braille (both reading and writing), English, Math
and the other classes they teach. And, of course, he learned to play
piano and how to tune and repair the pianos. Every time I think of
what he did I am even more in awe of him now than I was then.
Richard told me how happy he was that
he did not go blind until he was 10. He explained that statement by
saying: “If I was going to go blind, I'm happy it didn't happen
until after I had been able to see things for a few years. That made
it so I can picture things and colors in my mind when people describe
something to me.” After I had moved in with Grace and Richard,
he asked if he could see my face. Of course I said he could. He put
both hands on my face and felt all around—my forehead, eyes, nose,
cheeks, mouth, chin, jaws and neck. He said, “I think you are very
pretty. Are you?” I was a little taken aback because I wasn't
used to anyone telling me I was pretty, so I told him, “I look
okay.” He laughed at me.
With the headaches having returned,
Richard wasn't able to tune as many pianos as he was accustomed to
doing and so he wasn't making as much money as he had been. I don't
know how old Eileen was when Grace decided she had to go back to work
or they couldn't survive. By that time, Ray Ertmann had an Auto
Parts store out in Midvale. I believe it was a satellite of
Mendenhall's store downtown. Grace and Ray had worked together for
years so he was happy to have someone with her expertise in auto
parts to work for him. Fortunately, Grace had a next door neighbor
whose name was Afton (can't remember her last name). I know Afton
had three children but they were all in school. Grace and Afton had
become close friends in a short amount of time and Afton and she said
she would tend the children while Grace went to work. (I have to
assume that Grace paid Afton to tend the kids.) Afton was a Godsend
for Grace. It was very convenient that they lived so close because
Grace had to take the bus to get to Midvale. She didn't know how to
drive at that time and, of course, they had no car.
My senior year was during 1950-5l. As
I have mentioned, I was busy, busy, busy. The Principal of the
school, Mr. Alexander, came to my home (we had no phone) about three
days before school was to start. He told me he had hired two new
teachers, a Mr. Mette, (Music) and Mr. Carpenter (English and
Journalism). He asked if I would go to the school and interview
them; write an article of introduction about them; and put out a one
page school paper to hand out to the students when they came to
school the first day. (School always started the day after Labor
Day.) I had the weekend to do that and I had the papers ready, as
promised. Mr. Alexander and I handed out the papers as the students
came in the door on Tuesday morning.
It was a great year. About mid-year I
began to wonder just what I would/could do after graduation. I knew
I had to have a job and jobs were scarce to non-existent in Blanding.
Besides that, I knew I couldn't take another summer with my mom.
Out of the blue, I received a letter from Grace inviting me to stay
with her, Richard, Rick and Eileen. She said, “After you get a
job you can pay me $25.00 per month room and board.” It sounded
like a wonderful plan. I knew I could be helpful and I knew she
needed help. I quickly accepted.
Mostly, I had really good school
teachers---all the way from First Grade to my Senior year. I had two
or three favorites during my Senior year. One of them was my
American Problems teacher. His name was Niles Flanders. I went
into the class thinking it would be very boring. I was wrong. It
was terrific. I learned much about how our Country works and how the
government works. Mr. Flanders was an amazing teacher. He always
wanted a lot of class discussion and I was happy to oblige. He was
also always interested in and helpful with the Rattler. After school
one day, I told him I would be going to Salt Lake City after
graduation. I mentioned I needed a way to get there. I did not know
Mr. Flanders was leaving Blanding. He was from Washington State and
had family there. He had been in Blanding for about three years and
now it was time to move on. He said, “You can ride with us.” He
was only going as far as Provo at that point, but he said, “When we
get to Provo we will take you to the bus station and you can take the
bus to Salt Lake.” That seemed a perfect answer to prayer. I
wrote to Grace and told her. She wrote back and said she would meet
me at the bus station. I only had one pathetic little suitcase so
that would not be a problem.
Graduation was Friday, May 18, 1951.
Saturday morning, May 19th, Mr. Flanders and his family
picked me up at 5:00 A.M. and I was off to my big adventure. Both my
Dad and Mom were up to see me off. (My Dad was always up before five
o'clock so that was no big deal but Mom didn't usually get up until
about seven o'clock.) My Dad gave me a big hug and handed me ten
dollars. He had tears in his eyes. My Mom said, “goodbye.” No
hugs.
The Flanders' had three young children.
One sat is the front seat with the parents. I sat in the back seat
with the other two. I remember it being a pleasant drive. When we
were nearly to Provo, Mr. Flanders asked me if I had ever had a Dairy
Queen ice cream cone? I didn't know what a Dairy Queen was. There
was a Dairy Queen in Provo and we stopped. Oh, my, it was so yummy.
Then they took me to the bus station and I bought a ticket to Salt
Lake City. I arrived in SLC at about 4:30 pm. Grace was there to
meet me and we took a taxi to her home.
The following Monday morning I left the
house early to go to an Employment Agency. I had to fill out some
paperwork. She looked it over and said, “I have no jobs for you.
You don't have any experience.” I asked her how I could get
experience if no one would give me a job. She told me she didn't
know. She had a card file of the available jobs and she started
looking through them. She would look at a card and then place it
aside, saying, “This one requires experience; this one requires
experience”---and on and on. She would lay each card aside. I
could read them upside down. About the sixth card she laid down I
could see was for a “statistical typist”. I laid my hand over it
and said, “What about this one?” She told me it was an
Insurance Company and they needed someone with experience. I just
said, “I want to try.” She partly relented and said she's call
to see if they would consider someone with no experience. She called
and whoever she talked to said, “Send her over. We'll interview
her.”
The job was at American National
Insurance Company and their offices were in what used to be the
Continental Bank Building at the corner of 2nd South and
Main Street on the west side of Main Street. I went to their
offices. The had me fill out some paper work and take a typing test.
After an interview and looking at the typing test the lady (and I
can't imagine why I can't remember her name) told me I'd have to be
interviewed by the “big” boss. I went into Mr. Baldwin's office
where he interviewed me and asked, “When can you start work?” I
simply said, “Right now.” He sent me back out to the office
manager and told her he had hired me. She told me they needed my
Social Security number. I didn't have a Social Security number. I
had no idea I would need one (so naive). I was given directions and
an address where I should go to get my Social number. I walked
there, they gave me a number; I walked back to the office and I had
a job. I very happily worked there until November 2, 1951, at which
time I left to get married. I asked if I could use the phone to call
my sister. I called Grace and told her I had a job. She was
pleased. There were six girls in the office: Two LDS, two
Protestant, two Catholic. That was very interesting to me. I
believe there were only two families in Blanding who were not LDS. I
liked both families but have often wondered why they stayed. (They
both stayed until they died.)
Grace had asked me if I would pick up
the kids when I got home. I arrived home about 5:30 pm. Richard
arrived shortly after I did and Grace came home about 6:00 pm. I had
picked up Rick and Eileen. I surely loved those little guys.
After a few days of that routine, Grace
suggested that I make dinner when I got home because I got home
before she did. I said, “Okay.” That happened for about three
days and Grace complained that she didn't like what I prepared. I
told her that perhaps she should prepare dinner. I would pick up the
kids and take care of them and then I would do the dishes after
dinner. That seemed to suit her so that was the routine from that
time forward. Sometimes Richard was already home when I arrived
home. He was having more and more headaches and was really sick.
He did the very best he could. He tried to keep up with his regular
customers.
One morning I left the house shortly
after Richard did. It was so interesting and such a revelation to
see how he managed to get to the bus every day. He had a cane and he
listened to the sound of the cane on the sidewalk. He moved the cane
from side to side so he'd be sure to stay on the sidewalk. He put it
on the sidewalk and then moved it to the right so he could “see”
the grass. That kept him on a straight path. As he approached the
curb from which he would step down onto the street, the sound made by
the cane was different and he slowed down. He used the cane to
pinpoint the exact edge of the curb. Then he could step down.
Before he stepped down he listened for vehicles. If he deemed it to
be safe, he would cross that road, using the cane to “tell” him
when he was approaching the curb on the other side of the roadway.
It was a real revelation to me. After the first narrow road he
crossed he would proceed, in the same manner, to 7th East
to catch his bus. The bus drivers were marvelously helpful to him.
Richard would tell the driver where he wanted to go and the driver
would let him know when it was his “stop”. Frequently, Richard
had to transfer to another bus—sometimes even two transfers. The
drivers were always on the lookout for him and helped him as he
traveled to his Client's homes. He was very familiar to and with the
bus drivers in Salt Lake City.
Each day after Richard got home, he
immediately got out his card file and his braille “machine” to
update his jobs. Then he would check the dates for future jobs and
make calls to his clients whose pianos were soon due to be tuned. He
was still trying his best to take care of his family.
I picked up Rick and Eileen from
Afton's and saw to their needs. Grace came home and made dinner.
After dinner, Grace liked to go over to Afton's house to watch
television. Afton had made a standing invitation to Grace to come
over whenever she wanted and there were shows they both enjoyed
together every evening. Richard and I stayed home. He would help
with the dishes and we'd put the kids to bed. After Rick and Eileen
were down for the night, sometimes he would read (he had access to
braille books), or we'd listen to music on the radio. There was
generally ironing that needed to be done. I did my ironing then,
frequently, I'd start on Grace's ironing. Sometimes Richard would
ask me to tell him (or describe) things. I loved and admired that
man. As I've said, he was amazing. He was well educated and
extremely intelligent.
I often wondered why Richard didn't
have a dog? I had seen movies and heard about “seeing-eye” dogs.
He told me that he had had a dog at one time. Apparently, he had
the dog for a number of years. Then the dog died and the dog's death
was so hard on him, he said he couldn't do it again. So he relied on
his cane.
On Saturdays I did the laundry and hung
it on the line to dry. When it was dry I brought it in, folded it,
and set the stuff that needed to be ironed aside. Sometimes I
sprinkled the clothes and did some ironing on Saturday afternoons.
Grace asked me to do the laundry and said she would clean the house
while I was busy with the laundry. Sometimes Grace did her own
ironing but when she was swamped I helped out with hers as well.
One night Grace decided she wanted to
see a movie that was playing. On 21st South between 9th
and 10th East, there was a small theater. Grace had been
talking about a certain movie for a while so we left Eileen with
Richard (Richard was perfectly capable of taking care of his
children) and Grace and I took Rick and walked down to the bus. We
rode the bus to 21st South and walked up to the theater.
Rick was two years old. About three-fourths of the way through the
movie Rick began to fuss. He was tired and obviously the movie
wasn't keeping him occupied. Grace tried to shush him but he was
tired. After a short time Grace picked him up and walked out. I
followed. We headed for the bus stop and Grace was yelling at Rick
the entire time. He didn't know what he had done wrong and he was
just sobbing. It broke my heart. When we arrived at the bus stop
there was a bench and Grace sat Rick down on the bench. He was
sobbing his heart out. She told him, “When the bus comes I am
going to get on the bus and leave you here on the bench.” He
sobbed harder. I was still afraid of Grace and did not dare
interfere. When I remember this occurrence I am so ashamed that I
did not pick him up and comfort him and assure him that I would not
leave him there. And, I WOULD NOT HAVE LEFT HIM THERE. I didn't
know whether she meant it or not but I would have stayed with him
until the next bus came and I would have taken him home. When the
bus did come, she picked him up and we got on the bus. However, she
still did not comfort him. He seemed to sense he wasn't going to be
left on the bench and he calmed down somewhat. The tears were still
coming and he was gasping. When we arrived home, Richard took him
and got him ready for bed. Richard loved on Rick and calmed him
down. Grace just stomped into the bedroom.
I'm happy to report that I never saw
another of her temper tantrums while I lived there until shortly
before I was to get married.
There was a young man at the Ward where
we attended Church. His first name was Doug. The moment he saw me
he was smitten. He introduced himself and offered to show me around
and take me to the Sunday School class where the young people
gathered. He was very nice and he lived just up the street and
around the corner from Grace. From his back yard he could see what
went on in our yard. After the second Sunday, he asked me out on a
date. He even came down town and took me to lunch one day. As I
mentioned above, he was very nice but I was not “smitten” with
him. After two or three dates he wanted to kiss me good night. I
was not in favor of that. As a matter of fact, I was not going to
let him kiss me---ever. He kept asking me out and he kept trying.
I dated other guys here and there. None of them seriously. As I
mentioned above, he could see everything that went on in our yard
from his back yard. I can't imagine he had enough time to watch, but
he knew every time I went on a date with someone else.
Grace knew I wasn't having much fun on
dates. Actually, the only reason I went on dates was because “a
free movie was a free movie.” Each time I dated someone new I
hoped he would be fun and we'd have a good time but so far, that had
not happened. Grace rarely ever called me at work. But, Friday,
August 10th, she called me. She said she had been talking
to her boss, Ray Ertmann, and told him I was dating but not having
much fun. Ray said, “I know a young man and he has been drafted
(Korean War). He is leaving soon so they won't have time to get
serious but they might enjoy each others' company for a couple of
dates.” He told Grace that this young man was coming out to visit
him that evening and he suggested we might be okay with going on a
blind date. The reason Grace called me was to ask if I'd be
interested in going on a blind date with a friend of Ray Ertmann.
Ray had been Jack Ehlers Scout Master for many years. (In those days
a young man could stay in Scouting until they were 18 or 19. Jack
received his “Eagle” when he was 17 and continued to receive
merit badges until he was in his 30's.) I had always liked Ray and I
was pretty sure he wouldn't lead me astray so I said, “Yes, I'd go
on a blind date.” Ray knew Jack liked to dance. Grace had told
him I liked to dance, also. There were always dances at Lagoon on
Monday nights. Ray suggested that would be a good place to have a
first date.
Friday evening Jack went to visit Ray
and Jack complained that he didn't know any girls he wanted to date.
Ray said, “I know a nice girl. Would you consider going on a blind
date with the sister of one of my employees?” Jack had always
liked and admired Ray so he didn't figure Ray would hook him up with
someone who wasn't “okay.” So, the arrangements were made. Jack
would pick me up at 7:00 pm Monday evening, August 13, 1951.
I had been on a couple of blind dates
so I wasn't too concerned but Jack had never been on a blind date and
he wanted to meet me. He drove over to Grace's house on Sunday
afternoon to meet me before our date. I wasn't home. A couple of my
girl friends from Blanding lived in Salt Lake City and they had
called and asked me to come down town and go to Church with them so
we could spend some time together. That's what I did. Grace and
Richard chatted with Jack for about a half hour and Grace showed him
a picture of me. When I got home, Grace told me Jack had been
there. I was a little sad I had not been home to meet him but it
turned out very well. Grace told me a little about him. A little
later I said, “How does Marilyn Ehlers sound?” Grace nearly went
through the roof---”you haven't even met him yet, etc., etc.” I
realized I'd need to keep my mouth shut, but I knew at that time I
would marry Jack.
Monday came and Grace called me at work
again. Something had come up and she and Richard wouldn't be able to
be home until about 8:30 p.m. Could I please pick up the kids from
Afton's, feed them and give them their baths and get them ready for
bed? She had made arrangements for a baby sitter to be there at 6:45
pm. I told her I would, though it didn't leave me much time to get
ready for my date. The baby sitter was there at 6:45 so I HURRIED
but I wasn't ready at the appointed hour. I was five minutes late.
Jack was right on time and I could hear him chatting with the baby
sitter. At 7:05 pm I was ready and when I walked into the living
room I said, “I'm so sorry to keep you waiting.” Jack just stood
there grinning for a few seconds and then said, “You are worth
waiting for.” Gee whiz! He ended his sentence with a preposition!
We had a lovely time and when we
arrived home afterwards I thought, “If he doesn't kiss me I'll have
to kiss him.” He did kiss me and asked me if I'd go to a movie
with him the next evening. I accepted. When he came to pick me up
he took me to his parents' home. He introduced me to his Mom and his
sisters, Elaine and Narda. Mom and Elaine were very nice but Narda,
who was eight years old, wasn't much interested and didn't
particularly want her playtime disturbed. His mother had baked a
cake and we ate cake and ice cream while we visited. After that we
went out in the yard where I met his Dad. I felt comfortable with
his family which was rare for me. I was shy and usually it took a
while to feel comfortable with people. We went to the movie. I
don't remember what the name of it was but there was a very cute
little girl in it. I said, “She's so cute! I'd like to have a
dozen kids.” Jack replied, “I think we can afford a dozen.”
At that moment we both knew we would marry. A couple of weeks later
Jack formally proposed. I told Grace I would be getting married when
Jack came home on “Boot Leave” after his basic training. The
date set was November 5th. Grace told Ray. They were
both a little hesitant but supportive.
Grace and I knew our parents couldn't
help much. They told us they would have a reception for us. Afton
was a wonderful seamstress and she suggested if I bought the fabric
she would make my wedding dress and that would be her wedding gift to
me. What a godsend she was. Grace went with me to pick out fabric
and the pattern. We found some taffeta (not the wavy kind) on sale.
I was able to buy the fabric, lace and buttons for $10.00. Another
$1.00 bought the fabric for the slip to wear under the dress. (I
made the slip.) Grace had a shower for me and so did the girls where
I worked. Both were fun and much appreciated. I thought things were
going very well but about a week before Jack came home, Grace got
upset over something (I still don't know what) and turned into a real
witch. She was putting me down every time I turned around. Nothing
I did pleased her. When Jack arrived home she treated him
abominably. I had also bought the fabric for a dress for Grace
(which Afton sewed) because Grace was to be my attendant at the
reception. Later I realized how foolish I was to not ask Elaine and
so I did ask Elaine. She had a lovely formal that complemented both
Grace's and my dresses and she also stood in my line. But, Grace was
so angry she told me she would not be at the Temple with me and she
would not go to Blanding for the reception. I was devastated. She
also told Ray that she would not be attending the Temple or the
reception. Ray quickly nipped that in the bud. He told her if she
didn't go to both the Temple and the reception and put a smile on her
face and act decently he would fire her. He meant it. Grace realized
it. Grace was there.
Jack's parents hosted a couple of
parties for us and that was also very much appreciated.
We were married on Monday morning,
November 5, 1951. We drove to Blanding on Tuesday. The reception
was Wednesday evening. We left early Thursday morning to drive back
to Salt Lake. If I am remembering correctly, Ray and his wife took
Grace to Blanding with them and they all left very early Thursday
morning. When we got back to Salt Lake we went over to Grace's
place to pick up the rest of my stuff. She didn't speak to Jack at
all and the only thing she said to me was, “Well I bought your
replacement. I have replaced you with an automatic washing
machine.” That was all she had to say. I gave Richard and the
kids a hug and left. I really missed Richard, Rick and Eileen.
Jack and I left on Saturday, November
10, 1951. He had to be back on his base by Monday morning. He was
assigned to El Toro Marine Base by Santa Ana, California. We arrived
in Santa Ana on Sunday morning, November 11th and began looking for a
place to rent. We couldn't find anything so we just started driving
south on Highway 101 looking for 'For Rent' signs. We saw a sign,
stopped and went in to inquire. They had two apartments. We chose
one and paid $50.00 per month. The apartment was right on the beach
in Newport Beach, California and it was furnished. We had a living
room, kitchen and bath. The bed pulled down out of a big closet and
there was plenty of room to hang our clothes. It was perfect.
We lived there until about the 17th
of December when Jack received his orders to go to Korea. We were
given a couple of weeks leave so we undecorated our Christmas tree
and headed to Utah. We took the lower road through Arizona so we
could stop in Blanding to see my folks and then we headed north to
visit Jack's folks. I wasn't sure exactly what I should do after
Jack left. I considered getting an apartment while he was gone. I
didn't think Grace wanted me to live with her. But Jack's parents
had everything worked out. “You will live with us until Jack comes
back to the States.” And that was that! They wouldn't listen to
my plans of getting an apartment. “We don't want you living alone
somewhere” was their argument. We thought Jack would be gone for
one year. That's what his initial orders said. Somehow, someone was
looking after us and he was sent back to the States in early July.
He was given two weeks to get things packed and we headed to
Quantico, Virginia for some special training.
During the time he was in Korea I found
a job at the Welfare Department of the Church. I had two bosses (and
that's a whole other story) and I loved working in that atmosphere.
I kept in touch with Grace and I went to visit them frequently so I
could see the kids. Richard was getting worse and worse. Finally,
the doctors decided they would go in to see whether they could remove
part of the tumor hoping Richard could get some relief. (That was an
extremely bold move in the early 1950's.) He had suffered horribly
those last months. The surgery did not go well. He never regained
consciousness. I don't remember how many days he lived after the
surgery but it was only about three days. I went to the hospital
with Grace a couple of times. I was appalled at how she spoke of
him. As I mentioned, he was unconscious. They did not catheterize
him (I have no idea why) and he would wet the bed. Grace said, “He
must like laying in a wet bed or he'd let us know he wanted to go. “
She didn't say it nicely. She was mean! She also made rude
remarks at other times. He had no idea what was happening. I don't
know whether he was ever aware we were there. When she would leave
the room I would hold his hand and talk to him. He didn't respond
but at least if he was aware at all, I wanted him to know someone
cared. I understand that when people are dying, the last 'sense' to
go is the hearing. I hope, in Richard's case, he didn't hear what
she said and how she said it.
Richard passed away on May 12, 1952. I
was so sad he wasn't able to live to raise his children but I was so
happy he did not have to suffer further. I'm quite sure Rick has had
a wonderful reunion with his Dad. Richard loved his children
immensely. He was kind to everyone. He spoke well of people. I
never heard him criticize anyone, not even Grace—and he had plenty
of reason to do so.
Grace's Mission President was somehow
connected to Larkin Mortuary and Larkin is who took care of Richard's
body. I don't remember his name, but her Mission President is the
person who drove the limousine for Grace's ride to and from the
cemetary. She asked me to ride with her. That was an inspiring
experience. Her Mission President was an amazing person. He recited
beautifully appropriate poetry the entire ride. It was very
comforting and I loved it. I know Grace appreciated it as well.
Grace and I were the only ones in the limo. Richard's funeral was a
beautiful service. Everyone who knew Richard loved him.
(I have felt badly that I didn't have
this finished so Rick could read it before he passed away. I know
Rick and Richard have become well acquainted since Rick arrived there
but Richard was an extremely modest man. He will probably not have
told Rick all the things about himself that I am telling in this
story.)
It was about this time Grace decided
she needed to get a car and learn how to drive so she didn't always
have to rely on the bus. She did become a good driver. I don't
know exactly when she sold the Wilson Avenue house and bought the big
brick house on 45th South because Jack and I were
traveling with the Military.
While I was in SLC and Jack was in
Korea, I visited with Grace from time to time. I always wanted to
see the kids. But when Jack came home we went back East. After his
training at Quantico, he was transferred to and stationed in Albany,
Georgia. We lived there just over a year. The Marines were building
a base and had barely begun. They sent Jack to Albany because of his
Architectural background. He had a crew of 20 to work with him.
All this time I was trying to conceive
but it didn't happen. In the meantime, Durant and Elaine got married
and Durant was in the Army. After his basic training he spent his
entire time at Fort Ord which is just south of San Francisco.
(After Jack had spent two years in Active Duty his status was changed
to six years of Inactive Duty, during which time, if there had been a
need, he would have had to go back into Active Duty. Fortunately
there was not a need and he had his final discharge before Viet Nam.)
Anyway, we came back to Salt Lake City in early September of 1953.
We decided to begin working with a Doctor to see if we could find
the secret to getting pregnant. Still, no luck. There didn't seem
to be any specialists in Salt Lake but an OB was doing some work in
that area and he was happy to work with us. We tried various things
with no success. I saw Grace from time to time but she didn't seem
to feel the need to be very friendly and I was always uncomfortable
with her. She wrote a letter to Durant and Elaine and said: “Jack
and Marilyn are absolutely worthless. They can't do anything right,
not even reproduce.” Durant, Elaine, Jack and I were quite close
at that time. They told us what Grace had said. After that, I made
myself pretty scarce around her. I was deeply hurt. Unfortunately,
it also meant that I saw very little of Rick and Eileen. That made
me sad.
In November, 1954, Jack and I moved to
Seattle, Washington so he could attend Architectural School at the
University of Washington in Seattle. We moved back to Utah in the
Spring of 1957. I learned that Grace had gotten married to Roland
Krebs and she was pregnant with Bob. I don't remember when Bob was
born but I know he was older than Bret. I got pregnant with Bret in
March of 1957 and he was born in December, 1957. She got pregnant
quite quickly with Randy. Randall was born after Bret but before
Jackie. (I got pregnant with Jackie in March, 1958 and she was born
in December 1958.) I know Randall was born in the summer—was it
July? Anyway, you are probably old enough to remember that Randall
had some problems. The Doctor Grace was seeing gave several
diagnoses, all of which were incorrect. In desperation, Grace called
me and asked if I knew a really good baby doctor. I said, “Yes, I
do. I take Bret to a really good Doctor but he has closed his
practice and isn't taking any more patients.” She then proceeded
to tell me what was going on. After hearing what was happening with
Randall, I said, “I will call you back. I'm going to talk to my
Doctor and see if he will see you.” I called and gave his nurse
the information Grace had just given me. The nurse said, “Hold
on.” She went and told Dr. Wetzel what the deal was and he said,
“You tell Marilyn to tell her sister to come to my office
immediately. When she gets here I will give her priority.” So I
relayed that information to Grace. I gave her the phone number and
address and waited for her to call me back after she saw Dr. Wetzel.
Within about 10 minutes Dr. Wetzel knew
what was wrong with Randall. Within another 10 minutes Dr. Wetzel
had made arrangements with a surgeon to meet Grace and Randall at
the hospital. I don't know how long the surgery took, but Randall
was okay after that. As we all know, he lived and flourished. Grace
called from the hospital to tell me what was happening. Later she
called to tell me Randall was doing well. From then on, her
attitude was somewhat different toward me. One summer she even
called and invited us to take a day-trip with her, Roland, Bob and
Randall out to the Lehman caves in Nevada. We took picnic lunches
and stopped on the way to eat our lunch. We saw the caves and had a
good time. I think, by that time, Tal was, maybe, two years old. We
didn't see each other a lot but at least we were cordial. I think
Bret went out to the brick house in Murray and spent the afternoon
with Bob and Randall a couple of times. After our Dad died, Grace
and I chatted frequently about our Mother.
Just a note: While Grace was married
to Roland I don't think I ever heard Roland say an unkind thing about
Grace. He was always paying her compliments. While they were
married I don't think I ever heard Grace say anything kind or nice
about Roland. I was sad about the break-up but if what she told me
was true I did not blame Grace at all.
I believe Grace was pretty much in
charge of getting Mom up here into the single-wide. She looked in on
Mom frequently. I went to visit Mom as often as I could. Durant
visited her when he could sneak some time away from Elaine and his
work. I'm sure George visited her as often as he could. And we all
know the rest of that story. I know Grace did the lion's share of
the work cleaning out Mom's house in Blanding. I was able to help
one full day and I don't remember whether anyone else pitched in but
Grace stayed with it until it was finished. What a job!!!
Grace and I would chat on the phone.
She told me about being active in DUP and that she gave the lessons
for many years. We never were really close like she and Ora were but
at least we were speaking and interacting. A few times we went out
to dinner together. I think it was for our birthdays.
Jack and I moved down to the Lake
Powell area in June of 1984 and didn't get to SLC very often. We had
unlimited long-distance calling and we talked a few times. She told
me she was going to sell her house and why. It made sense. She gave
me her address and told us how to her “new digs'. The next time we
made a trip to SLC we went to see her. Unfortunately, we had not
communicated that information to her and she was not home that
afternoon. She had left the blinds open a little and I recognized
her Navajo rugs on the floor so we knew we had actually found where
she lived. (Over the years, I had forgotten how to get there and
that's when I had to call Eileen for directions. I knew I was in the
vicinity but that was all.) I'm happy we have a relationship now.
One day she asked me if I'd like some ice cream. I said I would and
she went to dish it out. She complained that “Eileen forgot to get
me any ice cream when she shopped for me. I guess I'll have to read
her the riot act.” When she went to get the ice cream there was
enough for each of us to have a dish but she thought there was an
unopened container in addition to what she had--- there wasn't. It
irritated me that she would think she had to “read Eileen the riot
act” when Eileen had so kindly done the shopping. In some ways she
has not changed.
When Grace's children gave her a
birthday party for her 90th birthday, they were kind
enough to invite me to come. I was living in Loa, Utah, at that time
but I talked to Bret and Heidi and told them what was happening.
Heidi sent me the directions to their house so I drove up for the
party. Bret, Heidi and Aspen attended the party with me. I had the
seat of honor right next to Grace. It was such a lovely party.
We hadn't been there very long and all
at once Grace started talking to Bret and Heidi. She said, “I was
not very nice to Marilyn when she was little but I was jealous of
her. I had been the youngest girl for 10 years and I liked being the
youngest girl.” Then she added: “I was also very jealous of her
birth date. She was born on April 6th. I was born on
June 27th. The Prophet, Joseph Smith, was martyred on
June 27th. But, I'm okay now. The Nauvoo Temple was
dedicated on June 27th. I was able to watch the
dedication so I don't hate my birth date anymore.”
I must tell you---I was totally
surprised to hear her admit all of that. Now, when I call her, she
seems very happy to hear my voice and she always seems pleased when I
visit. Friday, (June 10th) when I visited her we did a
lot of reminiscing. I would bring up a subject, a place, or a person
and ask her if she remembered this occasion or that occurrence. At
first she would just shake her head. Then I would add a little
information. Her eyes would get brighter and she would say, “Oh,
yes, I do remember that.” Then she would talk about it a little
bit and I could tell she was remembering. I guess I'm the only one
who can do that at this point. If I can jog her memory about things
that happened in Blanding, perhaps I can bring her memory into Salt
Lake. It's along shot but I want to try. When I left, she thanked
me for coming and thanked me for the Burger King Lunch. She kept
telling me how delicious it was. I brought her a Whopper, Jr. with
fries and a Sprite. I brought some fry sauce and catsup to eat with
the fries but she said, “Oh, these are so delicious.” She ate
them as they were. I told her I would come again, soon. She asked
when I would be coming. I told her I would come to see her on her
birthday and added, “That's a couple of weeks from now.” She
hugged me and said, “I will be so happy to see you.” Her body
seems to be in amazingly good health but I do worry about her.
At this point I will make an
explanation of what I said at the beginning of this story: I said
Grace was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now, you can all
see why. After Sister Stevens told me I was the pretty one in my
family I began to think, if she thinks I'm pretty, maybe I'm not as
ugly as Grace says I am. And that led to other thoughts. If she
said I'm ugly and I'm not; perhaps I'm not stupid, either. I began
at that time to prove her wrong. I practiced harder and longer to
learn to play the piano better. I worked harder at school to be sure
to get good grades. Lesson learned in 7th Grade that
people don't like grouchy, bossy people so I tried to be more
agreeable and smile more. I learned to try to see other people's
point of view. I practiced more. When the opportunity came for me
to learn to play the organ, I jumped on it and practiced longer than
my allotted times. I listened to how others played the organ and
picked up little things to help me do better.
I practiced my writing skills so I
could have opportunity to work on our school paper. I took a
journalism class when it became available. And, as I have mentioned,
I was Editor two years—not just one. While still in High School I
wrote articles that were published in the Deseret News. When Jack
and I lived in Big Water, I had articles published in the newspaper
in Page (The Lake Powell Chronicle). The lady (Verna Stoddard) who
was the secretary for the Lake Powell Yacht club saw my articles in
the Page newspaper. She called me and asked if I would consider
writing a column in the “Lake Powell Yacht Club” newsletter she
published every month. (She was also the overseer for the Lake
Powell Yacht Club storage facility.) Her newsletter was quite
lengthy—usually 10 to 12 pages. I said I would and I did. She
always seemed to look forward to my articles and I received
compliments and comments from Members of the Yacht Club. When Jack
was hurt at WalMart and could no longer work, I had to quit my job
and stay home to take care of him. I didn't have the energy or the
desire to write for her anymore. I told her I didn't think I could
do it any more but she would call me from time to time to ask whether
I had changed my mind. Also, I had a number of articles published in
the Kanab newspaper.
Trying to prove Grace wrong affected
other things in my life, as well. After Jack earned his Pilot's
license, he wanted me to get one. I wasn't much interested and told
him so. I told him I would consider getting enough training to land
the plane if he were to have a heart attack while he was the pilot,
but that was all I was interested in until-----. We were hosting an
exchange student from Mexico. Her name is Nuni. (I am Friends on FB
with her now.) She had a favorite male cousin who came to visit her
(and to go skiing at Alta). He had lived in Oklahoma for two or
three years while attending a Catholic boys' school. He spoke fluent
English. Nuni was just learning English. (Hector was somewhat of a
snob.) Hector's parents were wealthy and owned a couple of planes
and they had two runways on their huge properties. One day, Hector
and Jack were talking about flying. Jack mentioned that he wanted
me to learn to fly. Hector looked at me and said, “Is he talking
about you?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Oh, I don't think you
should.” I was a little surprised and said, “Why not? “ He
just laughed and said, “I don't think you could.” Well, that
did it! Of course, after that, I had to learn to fly and I did. I
have a pilot's license to prove it. It is not current now, of
course, but I still carry it in my purse. After I received my
license, I flew somewhere between 1,000 and 1,500 hours. I used to
fly some of Jack's engineers to jobs when Jack couldn't get away. I
loved it. Do I want to fly now. No! Everything has changed so much
since 9/11 and I don't have the energy to do what I would have to do
to get current.
Also, when Jack and I moved to the Lake
Powell area (Big Water and Page) we had a boat and we lived on that
boat for a couple of years until we were able to get a house. We
were invited to join the Coast Guard Auxiliary. There is Coast
Guard Auxiliary on most lakes of any size all across the United
States. We joined. Of course, we had to have training so we could
do what needed to be done. There are three ranks which one can
attain in the CGA: Crew, Operator and Coxswain. We had to do a lot
of training and written tests to accomplish each rank. I worked for
and obtained my Crew and Operator ranks, along with Jack. When I was
asked to train for Coxswain I declined. I had the rank of Operator
and I just simply felt that was as far as I wanted to go. Of course,
Jack was not happy unless he attained the highest rank possible so he
was actively pursuing it. We had a big operation on Lake Powell
every year for training purposes and we had Regular Coast Guard
officers come to do a lot of the training. (There were also Coast
Guard Auxiliary people who had trained to do training, as well.)
Jack and I had been driving to Phoenix once per month for six months
so Jack could get his Coxswain rank. Then we had a BIG training
operation at Lake Powell. It was to take five days. There were lots
of CGA trainers as well as regular Coast Guard Officers who were
trainers. One of the regular CG trainers was interviewing each of
the Coast Guard Auxiliary members, individually. When it was my
turn, the Officer asked if I was going to begin training to become a
Coxswain. I told him I was not particularly interested in doing
that. He said, “Well, I think that is a good decision. Women
just aren't suited to that office.” Was that a challenge? Or
what? Okay! It made me mad when he said that. I went back to our
boat and I said, “I will be a Coxswain before we are through with
this training. I didn't get much sleep or rest because I was
studying. The CGA trainers and the regular CG trainers were very
willing to take their time to test me. I passed and was awarded my
Coxswain Certificate at the awards ceremony on the last night of the
training.
Now why am I telling you all of this?
Grace did her job well. She made me feel stupid and ugly to the
point where I had to prove her wrong. I give her credit for my
attitude and my accomplishments. I did the work to attain what I
have accomplished but she is the one who, unintentionally, goaded me
into it. I don't think she meant to do that but she did and I am
grateful. I have tried to be kind to my family and friends. After a
short spurt of orneriness in 7th grade, I changed my whole
demeanor. I did not want to be like Grace. It has paid off
wonderfully.
I have one more story to tell you
before I sign off. There is one thing Grace and I have always agreed
upon and that is: WE HAD THE BEST DAD IN THE WHOLE WORLD. (I think
if Richard had lived, Eileen and Rick could have said the same
thing—that they had the best Dad in the world.)
Our Mom did not like her daughters.
She adored her sons. She also adored her sons-in-law and she DID NOT
like her daughters-in-law. It was just her thing. She liked the
boys and not the girls. By the time we girls were 14, our lives with
her were nothing short of miserable. I won't go into detail about
that here because I think I have spoken about it, in detail,
elsewhere in my blog.
But our Dad! I didn't know Grace
felt the same way about Daddy as I did until a few years ago.
Apparently, that is just about the only thing Grace and I have
previously had in common—our love for our Dad. He was kind, he was
loving, he was gentle. He was totally honest in whatever he did. He
worked hard and long hours to support his family. He couldn't
provide luxuries but we always had plenty of food to eat, a warm
house and sufficient clothes to cover our bodies. He always expected
us to obey and he used a stingy willow on the back of my upper legs a
couple of times, probably on Grace's as well. We knew, without a
shadow of a doubt, that he loved us. He had a twinkle in eyes and
the twinkle was there almost all of the time. (I have four
grandchildren who have twinkles in their eyes: Kadi Ehlers, Kacie
Timothy, Taylor Ehlers and Dusty Wynn. I hope they know how lucky
they are.)
