THE LIGHTER SIDE

Did you know that a good belly-laugh every day will help you live longer? Why do you think I’ve lived so long? (I hope to be here a lot longer, too.) I love to laugh, so I try to see humor in most things---sometimes laughing is the only thing that keeps me sane. I heard a couple of pretty good jokes Saturday night and thought you all might enjoy hearing them. (Have you had your good belly laugh today?) I ran these by Tal and Juli. I didn’t even get a snort on the first one but got the “belly laugh” on the second. It doesn’t mean that the first one doesn’t have some merit. Perhaps one of you has a weird sense of humor, as do I. The second one is a tad naughty—hope you’re not offended. If you are, please let me know. I don’t want anyone to think I have an X-rated blog. So, here goes:

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because she heard the Mayor was going to lay a cornerstone and she wanted to see him try.

A man died Sunday morning while he was having sex. He and his wife always had sex on Sunday morning to the rhythm of the Church bells. Everything was going just fine until the ice cream truck drove by.

So much for that! I have had a clipping from a newspaper for some time. I cut it out to share with all of you so now I’m going to share it and then I can throw the clipping away.

The headline read:

WARNING: AVOID READING WACKY LABELS WHILE EATING

DETROIT(AP) Words to live by, from a warning label on a small tractor: “Danger: Avoid Death.”

That warning was selected Wednesday as the winner of the 11th annual “Wacky Warning Label Contest,” sponsored by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch. The contest is part of an effort show the effects of lawsuits on warning labels.

Kevin Soave of Farmington Hills, a Detroit suburb, won the $500.00 grand prize for submitting the tractor’s “Danger: Avoid Death” label.

The $250.00 second place was given to Carrianne, Jacob and Robby Turin of Greensburg, Pa., for a label they found on an iron-on T-shirt transfer that warns: “Do not iron while wearing shirt.”

Richard Goodnow of Lancaster, Mass., earned the $100.00 third place prize for a label on a baby stroller featuring a small storage pouch that warns: “Do not put child in bag.”

Contest organizerBob Dorigo Jones says the silly labels reflect how broken the U.S. civil justice system is.

Honorable mention went to Cyndi LaMonde of Traverse City for a label on a letter opener that says: “Caution: Safety goggles recommended.”

Ann Marie Young of Fillmore, N.Y., found: “The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents.”

My own personal comment to the above is: “DUH.”

I love you all. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

ADDENDUM TO VALENTINE BLOG

In the comments section following my valentine story, Juli asked, “What is a punch?” In my mind, I knew what a punch board looked like because, as a child, I had seen them many times in the Café in Blanding, but I didn’t know how to describe them so anyone would be able to picture a punch board in their mind. So, I went online, not really expecting much because I hadn’t seen a punch board in many years and didn’t know whether or not they still existed. I should have known better. Apparently, punch boards are still big business. Punch boards are available for all kinds of activities and there are still a few around from “the good old days,” for a price. I found some pictures so I picked the one that seemed closest to what I remember AND there was a description of how they are made and how they are used. Who knew? So, I’m going to quote the information I found because it is so well done. I can see the old punch boards in my mind but I never “punched” one so I was not sure I could adequately describe them.

Punchboards were legal in Utah in the 1930’s, 1940’s and 1950’s, which is surprising, considering the primarily “Mormon” population. Apparently, they are no longer legal. Punch boards are considered a form of gambling.

Now, I will be quoting from the material I found online:

“Punch Boards are used in fund raising process. A punch board is planned for the player to punch a ticket out of a hole with numbers or symbols showing whether the player is a winner or loser. There are many diverse types and variations of Punch Boards. These boards range from 200 holed-boards to boards with 4,000 holes.” (The punch boards I saw in the Café probably had 4,000 holes.) “Price of these boards ranges from $0 to $1.00 per hole. It is a gambling device also known as push board.”

“It is illegal to operate these punch boards in many states of America. But it is quite common to find punch boards being played nowadays in some areas of the country. They are played particularly as fund-raisers for clubs and organizations. Punch boards are also gaining popularity in countries outside the United States. Punch boards usually consists of a square piece of wood or cardboard in which hundreds or thousands of holes have been drilled.”

“They are filled with slips of rolled or folded paper. Each slip of paper has a digit or mishmash of symbols printed on it. The holes are roofed with a foil or paper seal, which protects the related slips. Punch boards usually have a chart listing the combinations of numbers or symbols that are considered winners. Additionally, the prizes or cash amounts that will be awarded to the winners are also listed on the chart. Punch Boards usually feature cash prizes. Nowadays they are being used to publicize everything from shoe polish to Coca-Cola.”

“Archetypal punch boards’ construction is of laminated cardboard built up to a thickness of 5/8 to 1 inch. Some punch boards utilize a different payout card with jackpot seals or a separate payout board. While playing, a player pays the punch board’s operator a set amount of money (a nickel, dime or quarter) for a chance to use a metal stylus (or “punch”) to break the seal on the hole of his choice, and “punch” one of the slips of paper out of the board. If the integer or symbols found on the slip of paper matches one of the pre-determined winning combinations, the player is awarded the consequent prize.”

“Punch boards were particularly popular in America during the 1930’s, 1940’s and 1950’s.”

There! Now you know what punch boards are. It’s kind of a mini history lesson that you can tuck away in a remote corner of your brain and someday when someone asks, “What is a punch board?” you can say, “I know what punch boards are. My grandmother told me about them”.

People have always wanted to get something for nothing, or for very little, and during the depression so many people had so very little that a punch board seemed to be a possibility for getting something almost free. In the l930’s the punch boards cost one cent, five cents or 10 cents per punch. In our home during that time, one cent was precious; a nickel was grand and a dime was almost heaven so we wouldn’t have squandered our small amount of money on something that wasn’t a sure thing. But, obviously, there were people who would, and did. I guess punch boards in the 1930’s were similar to going to Las Vegas now. They used to have penny and nickel slots in Vegas. They haven’t had any penny or nickel slots for a long, long time. Even dime slots may have gone the way of the penny slots. I don’t know for sure, because it’s been a while since we’ve been to Las Vegas. When we did go to Las Vegas our interest was generally good food, cheap. Also, in the days when we went to Las Vegas, the shows didn’t cost an arm and a leg so we’d see an occasional show. We didn’t gamble. Wait a minute, I’ll take that back. One time I was alone and I thought no one would see me so I put three quarters into a slot machine and got 18 quarters back. I figured I was ahead so I just took my quarters and left. I didn’t want to lose what I had won. Now, you all know my secret indiscretion!

I’m working on getting another chapter written about my Dad. And, I have acquired some stories, written by my Dad, so I will add one or two of those from time to time. Joel Black sent me what he had. His sister, Karen, wrote to my folks several times in the l970’s and Daddy would answer her letter with something he remembered from his past. Why I didn’t do that I’ll never know. The stories are interesting reading and it will help you get a sense of who he was. Also, there are two very short stories my Mom wrote. I didn’t know she ever told anyone anything. Actually, I do remember one story she told me and I will tell that one eventually so you’ll have three stories from/about my Mom before she married my Dad.

That’s all, for now. I hope to get the next chapter done fairly soon but just in case---March dates to remember: Happy Birthday to: Aspen, March 6th; Russ, March 12th; Kylee, March 13th; Charlie, March 17th. Happy Anniversary Dave and Patti, March 17th.

I love you all.